


I Would Wait Forever

by musicgirl1120



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Haircuts, Past Abuse, Post 3x16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicgirl1120/pseuds/musicgirl1120
Summary: What I wish we got after 3x16.  Maya and Carina talk, and Carina helps Maya fix her hair.
Relationships: Maya Bishop & Carina DeLuca, Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Comments: 3
Kudos: 136





	I Would Wait Forever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [macthebomb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/macthebomb/gifts).



Carina sighed deeply as she stood outside Maya’s apartment door. She truly never thought she would come back to this place again after everything that the fire captain had done. 

However, she had come to the hospital earlier that day, begging Carina to take her back, finally admitting that her dad was abusive, apologizing for how she had acted, and telling the doctor she loved her. As much as Carina wanted to say no, to stay mad at the blonde, she could see something had really, truly changed, and she was also hopelessly in love with Maya so she said it and kissed her. 

They then went to go talk because it seemed like Maya really needed to, but Carina got pulled into an emergent delivery. They made plan to talk later that night, Carina offering to come over to Maya’s. The blonde had agreed before Carina ran off to the ER. 

The rest of her shift was tough to get through. She was distracted and anxious, snapping at one of her interns when they asked her a stupid question; but in her defense, they should have known the answer five months into their internship. 

She had gone home after her shift, changing into a pair of comfortable clothes, grabbing her hair cutting scissors on a whim, having noticed Maya’s hair had been cut, but poorly so. She took one more deep breath to calm herself down before knocking on the door.

A minute later, the door swung open, the blonde woman standing there looking very small and very emotional. 

“Come in,” Maya said, opening the door to let the doctor in, “Um… I ordered pizza from that place you really like if you’re hungry. And I got your favorite wine.” 

“Thank you,” Carina said, smiling at the blonde, trying to calm what appeared to be a lot of anxiety coming off on Maya. 

“Um…” Maya said, “We can sit, if you want, on the couch… or we can sit at the table.” 

“The couch is good,” Carina said, nodding. 

They both sat down on opposite ends of the couch, neither of them talking, eating, or looking at each other. Carina finally looked at Maya who was looking down at her hands. 

“Why did you cut your hair?” Carina asked, figuring it was probably an easy thing to start with. 

Maya took a deep breath, looking everywhere but at Carina, and the brunette realized it wasn’t just a fashion choice, but she stayed silent, giving Maya the space she needed to talk. 

“Um, my dad…my dad pulled it,” Maya said, biting her lip hard to keep from crying. 

“Cosa?” Carina said, not believing what she had just heard. 

“My…um… my dad showed up at the station today,” Maya said, looking toward the ceiling as she fought a losing battle to keep the tears off her cheeks, “And then he followed us to Pac North and then he spent like five minutes berating me in front of everyone and he crossed the police tape and when I told him he needed to leave and went to work, he grabbed my ponytail and yanked it really hard. I got him off and the police that were around got him to leave, but I… I don’t know… in that moment, I realized that you and my mom were right, that my dad is an abusive asshole and all I could think was that I was such an idiot, that I’m even more fucked up and broken than I thought and that you were literally right about every single thing and all I did was hurt you and that I am just like my dad.” 

Once she said that, the dam broke and Maya started sobbing. Carina moved closer to Maya, wrapping her arms around the blonde. 

“Bella,” Carina said, just holding her tightly, “You are not your father. You made a mistake, but you are not your father.” 

Maya just cried, the emotions she had been holding in all day, and honestly for the past three decades, running all over her face. 

“I’ve got you,” Carina said, rocking Maya slightly, “I’m right here.” 

Maya cried for a long time, desperately wanting to stop, but completely unable to. Eventually, she managed to get the tears to slow, grabbing a tissue. 

“Sorry,” Maya said, wiping her nose and eyes, “I know you came here to talk, not to listen to me blubber like a baby.” 

“Maya,” Carina said, “I came here so we can figure out what we are doing with this relationship, and this is part of it.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you said my dad was abusive,” Maya said, “And that I was so stupid that I went and slept with Jack. And that I was an ass to you all the time.” 

“Thank you for the apology,” Carina said, taking the blonde’s hands in her own, “And I am sorry too. I pushed you in ways you asked me not to and did not listen when you said no.” 

“Thank you,” Maya said, “You don’t have to apologize, though. You only had my best interest in mind. I’m the one who went and was so incredibly stupid and arrogant.” 

“Maya,” Carina sighed, “This is not all on you. I pushed and refused to listen and overstepped and that is on me. Your reaction to that, that is on you, but Bella, you are not your father.” 

Maya nodded, wiping her eyes. They sat there again in silence, neither of them knowing what to say next. 

“You said you came here to figure out what to do with this relationship,” Maya said after a few minutes, “What do you want to do?” 

“I don’t know,” Carina said with a sigh, “I know that I love you, and that I want to make this work, but I also know that I don’t know how to trust you anymore and that I’m scared that next time we fight, you will do the same thing you did before.” 

Maya nodded, taking a deep breath. 

“Well, I love you too,” Maya said, biting her lip, “And I want to do whatever I can to show you that you can trust me. I already made an appointment to see the department therapist to work on that… and other stuff. And we can go as slow as you want. I can’t promise we won’t fight again and that when we do, that I won’t do something stupid, but I will promise I won’t run, at least not like I did. Sometimes, I need space to cool down, but I promise that I won’t leave again… that I won’t do what I did.” 

“I want to trust you,” Carina said, taking Maya’s hands in her own, “But it’s going to take time.” 

“I can wait,” Maya said, nodding, “For you, I would wait forever.” 

Carina smiled, leaning over and giving Maya a gentle kiss. 

“I promise to respect your boundaries,” Carina said, looking into Maya’s beautiful blue eyes, “When you tell me no, I will try to listen and respect what you need, but I am going to need you to talk to me, Bella, instead of just trying not to feel it. I know this isn’t going to be an easy road, but I’m all in.” 

“I’m all in too,” Maya said, smiling at her girlfriend, “And I know I have no idea how to do this… this relationship thing, but I’m want to learn because you are beyond worth it.” 

“Honestly,” Carina said with a sigh, “I do not really know how to do this relationship thing either, but you are worth it too. I have been talking to my therapist about it a lot recently, about healthy relationships so just know I am not good at it either. I will make mistakes too and will probably hurt you without intending to.” 

“And I will forgive you,” Maya said, wiping a tear off her own cheek.

They just sat there for another few minutes, holding each other’s hands. 

“So, do you want to have some dinner?” Maya asked after a while, “Or something else?” 

“Dinner sounds nice,” Carina said, nodding as Maya opened the pizza box, handing Carina a plate. 

“Wine?” Maya asked. 

“Not yet,” Carina said, “After we eat, I want to do something, and I need to be 100% sober for it.” 

“What are you going to do?” Maya asked, confused as she took a small bite of her food, not really hungry after the events of the day. 

“If it is ok with you,” Carina said, “I would like to help you fix your hair. It’s kinda crooked. And I understand if you don’t want to, but I just thought…” 

“That would be nice,” Maya said, touching the jagged tips of her freshly hacked off hair, “I cut it with these huge scissors from the station. They were the first thing I could find. I just needed it off.” 

“It’s ok,” Carina said, worried Maya was going to have a panic attack, “I used to cut hair in university. I can fix up the ends, give it some kind of shape. Short hair looks good on you.” 

“Thanks,” Maya said, taking a shaky breath. 

“Is something wrong with the pizza?” Carina asked, noticing Maya hadn’t eaten more than two bites. 

“Just not hungry,” Maya said, shaking her head, “It’s been a long day.” 

Carina nodded, knowing that Maya was not one to cover her emotions with food, now knowing that much of Maya’s avoidance of food when things were rough was because of how her father had conditioned her, how he used food as a mechanism of punishment and control. 

“Go grab a towel,” Carina said, finishing her food, “Let me see what I can do with this hair.” 

Maya got up, coming back a minute later with a towel. She found Carina with a chair and a pair of scissors, waiting for her. 

“Let’s get your hair wet first,” Carina said, guiding her to the sink. 

Once Maya’s hair was wet, Carina sat her in the chair, wrapping the towel around her shoulders. 

“Now, just sit still,” Carina said, cutting the first piece. 

Maya took a sharp breath when she felt the small tug that always happened when hair was being cut. 

“Are you alright Bella?” Carina asked, watching Maya tense. 

“Ye..not really,” Maya said, almost stuffing this feeling down, but knowing that was not how they were going to move forward, “I don’t know. It’s just a little hard, having someone touching my hair.” 

“Oh Maya,” Carina said, setting down the scissors and walking in front of her girlfriend, “I am so sorry.” 

“You didn’t do anything,” Maya said, letting the tears fall, “Sorry I can’t even get my hair cut without crying like a baby.” 

“No,” Carina said, a little more firmly than she intended, getting Maya’s attention, “You do not get to berate my amazing girlfriend because she is triggered less than eight hours after her father physically assaulted her. I will not have it.” 

Maya laughed a little through her tears before the tears started falling faster, harder. Carina wrapped her arms around her, whispering gently in Italian in her ear, knowing Maya had no idea what she was saying, but that it still calmed her down, maybe because the hurting blonde had never been screamed at in that language. After a few minutes, Maya pulled back, wiping her eyes. 

“Ok,” she said, “I’m ready. You can keep going.” 

“Are you sure?” Carina asked, having no desire to trigger her girlfriend again tonight. 

“Yeah,” Maya said, “I can do this.” 

“Just tell me if you need me to stop,” Carina said, grabbing her scissors again. 

Maya took a deep breath as Carina got back to work. It took a good thirty minutes, but finally, Carina declared she was done. 

“Alright Bella,” Carina said, pulling the towel down, “I think I’m done. I left it a little longer in the front, but it’s pretty short in the back.” 

“Thank you,” Maya said, getting up, brushing the hair off her shirt. 

She walked to the mirror in the hall, looking at her hair, “Wow, this looks great. How are you so good at everything?” 

“I’m not good at everything,” Carina said laughing. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re good at cutting hair,” Maya said, touching the ends of her hair again, “I don’t think I would have been able to let anyone else near it without having a panic attack.” 

“I am so sorry for what your dad did today,” Carina said, wrapping her arms around Maya. 

The blonde just shrugged. 

“I should be thanking him,” Maya said, “It’s only because of what he did that I realized you were right about him.” 

“Maya,” Carina said, “Just because your papa did what he did and you realized what had happened your entire life, does not mean you need to be thankful to him. What he did was not okay.” 

Maya didn’t say anything, just staying in Carina’s arms, the one place that felt safe today. 

“Let’s go sit,” Carina said after a minute, guiding Maya to the couch. 

“How is your brother doing?” Maya asked, looking at her girlfriend. 

Carina let out a sigh before answering, “He is now inpatient for the next week, so that is better, but it’s so hard, seeing him like that.” 

“I’m sorry he’s going through that,” Maya said, wrapping her arm around her girlfriend, “And that you are too.” 

“It’s just so much like when I was a bambina,” Carina said, biting her lip, “With my father. It’s just so… hard.” 

With that, Carina started crying as Maya held her, just giving her space to let out the tears she had been holding in as she tried to be strong for her brother. After a while, the tears had stopped and Carina sat up, looking at Maya. 

“Thank you,” Carina said as Maya handed her a tissue, “I don’t think I knew how much I needed to cry.” 

“I will always be a shoulder for you to cry on,” Maya said, smiling at her girlfriend, “Whenever you need it.” 

They just stayed cuddled on the couch together, both of them needing the comfort of the other, knowing that even though things weren’t perfect, at least they were finding their way back together.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I'm still holding out hope that we get some kind of flashback to this time in their relationship, but until the writes decide to give it to us, I hope this is a halfway decent substitute.


End file.
